This week in the United States, we celebrate a holiday that commemorates a harvest festival celebrated by the Pilgrims in 1621.
Happy Thanksgiving, Dear Reader. I am truly thankful for you. Enjoy some turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie this week.
On Friday, the Christmas season officially begins and, BTW, it’s only about four weeks away! Black Friday and Cyber Monday shopping happen right outta the gate before the leftovers even have a chance to cool… AHHHHHHH!
In the meantime, while you’re in that food coma after all the celebrations, you might need some humor (sprinkled with a dash of serious) to increase your heart rate, so I’m dishing up a tiny platter for you in advance. Enjoy.
Here are my top ten things that I am NOT THANKFUL FOR this year.
1. Mosquitoes and Gnats. They ruin every evening we want to go sit out on the patio. They spread lethal diseases. They make me slap myself silly and scratch myself to scabs.
(Outside of moving to Iceland,
does anyone have any suggestions
for me to rid myself
of these pests before next summer?)
2. Coffee Shops that run out of half-and-half and don’t have Stevia or zero-calorie natural sweeteners. Truly, I know this is a first world problem, but it IS what it is, and it has happened to me. My version of hell is sitting in a misdemeanor courtroom with too-small styrofoam coffee cups and there’s only powdered CoffeeMate and Sweet’n Low. Every time I go to get another cup, the coffee runs out.
I’m beginning to think
I may have
an overactive imagination…
3. Terminal Cancer. We just got wind that one of The Elder’s clients found out she has two months to live. Just out of the blue, she went to the doctor not feeling well and this is the diagnosis. The family is rushing to get her estate in order while dealing with the shock and wanting to spend as much time with her as possible.
4. The Comeback of the Scrunchie. Of the myriad things that fashion could bring back,
5. Being an older, aging parent of teens. They’re staying out later, but we’re falling asleep earlier. The Elder and I are playing “Rock, Paper, Scissors” to see who is staying up (and falling asleep on the couch!) to greet them to make sure they make curfew.
The struggle is real.
I don’t call him The Elder for nothing.
6. It’s 2018 and we’re still dealing with racism. ARE YOU SERIOUS? Yes, it exists, at least in America. Yes, white privilege is still a thing, as is white guilt. The “N” word is still very much a thing. So is DWB. (You aren’t familiar with this term, “Driving While Black/Brown” in the U.S.? Look it up. If you’re white, you’ll be shocked.)
7. The amount of hours I wasted listening to and watching inflammatory mid-term election ads. (The only saving grace is that U. S. voters showed up in record numbers to exercise their right to choose leaders.) Guess what? According to www.usa.gov/election, Spring, 2019 is when the 2020 American presidential candidates can announce they’re running for office. That’s just five months away…
8. Places that don’t welcome #scoutthewonderdog. Come on! He’s five pounds, fits in my purse, and is better behaved than most children you know. Really? 🙂
(Okay, really I just wanted to use this super cute photo of my dog here. What I’m actually NOT thankful for is the irritating sound the credit card chip reader makes when it’s done extracting your financial information.)
9. People who call themselves Christians and yet are overtly spiteful, hateful, and demeaning to anyone who isn’t JUST LIKE THEM. If you think it’s okay to picket the funerals of fallen military soldiers, to hoist signs saying what YOU think God hates (which, BTW, it’s NEVER PEOPLE, only their sin. Check Proverbs 6:16-19 and click HERE to read for yourself!), to spew obscenities as families are trying to make it in to mass, service, synagogue, temple, or wherever, to hate on the basis of race, religion, or gender, whatever… it’s not. There’s judgment for people like you. Repent. (side glance: Fred Phelps followers)
(Sorry to sound triggered!
We just had one of these
“Christian” hate groups
in our city this weekend
picketing in front of
the Catholic church
and another non-denom.
10. Ice Storms. Weather, could you please make up your mind? Either rain or snow, but don’t kill my holiday buzz by downing power lines and killing pine trees. Plus, it totally wrecks my wardrobe options (not to mention hair!) and makes traveling to family during the holidays treacherous. (This is clearly a Northern Hemisphere complaint for Christmas!)
And while I’m making requests,
if it’s gonna snow,
This Colorado Girl
is dreaming of
If you’re needing something else funny to read while you’re waiting for the turkey to thaw, check out The Devil Lives At Walmart. My Famously Easy Pumpkin Cookies recipe and Sabbath Moments might also hit your target…