Church Girl Blog

How To Be Nice Church Ladies. Seriously.

by | May 17, 2019 | A CHURCH Life | 10 comments

“How To Be Nice, Church Ladies… seriously!” Punctuation makes all the difference, doesn’t it?

Long ago I remember being sliced and diced one of my first years serving in church. You’ll never guess who did it: Our children’s pastor’s WIFE.

Yep, I just outed her, didn’t I? She no longer lives in in the USA and left ministry within a few years after this incident. It really makes me sad, honestly. We had been close friends.

You never forget that first time you’re betrayed or hurt in church, do you? #forgiveness is a command.

Overly stressed and extremely exhausted about VBS, she hadn’t slept in days. One Sunday morning at church in front of children’s ministry, including parents and volunteers, she yelled at me, turning heads as quickly as if a firecracker had gone off in the third-grade rooms. I don’t even remember clearly what she was accusing me of or even what she was saying; I just remember she thought I was cutting in on her in some way. 

Um, no.

white woman hugging black older woman with onlookers

this is WAY more my style…

I was trying my best to be sure that the five young ladies she had placed in my care that summer did their job dancing onstage with excellence. And they did. My little team was (quite literally) rockin’ the stage.

After that humiliating experience (I know I cried in front of people), I wasn’t sure if I would ever come back to church, but after a calming call from our senior pastor’s wife telling me this lady erupted every year during VBS on someone, I thought, hmmm, maybe I’ll stick around past Night One (and I’m glad I did!).

How do we not be THAT girl, but the “One Who Cheers On Others”?

This is my first Leigh Mackenzie vlogpost on YouTube. It’s about 3 minutes. Please watch, share, and subscribe for more. Be sure to follow me on Facebook and Instagram ‘cuz we’re going to be putting out more of these little gems in the future…

For more posts like this, Words Matter, Stains&Chains, and My Mission.


  1. Julia

    I’ve been guilty of being the one that snapped during a church event we were putting on… and unfortunately I was hooked up to a mic at the time. That was a huge growing experience for me… very painful pruning, but I’m so glad it happened!

    • Leigh Mackenzie

      Sometimes Humility is the best teacher. ♥️ I, too, have been taught and trained by her.

      Julia, thank you for sharing this and for growing through it and not letting it stop you from continuing to lead!??

  2. Jeana Rayfield

    Yes, how wonderful that you let God have control of that situation so that He could use you to ” be that one” as you are and have been to so many ladies since that traumatic experience. You made the best decision. Thanks for sharing your story of how not being treated nicely made you desire to turn it around and be nice instead of becoming an embittered victim. Very inspirational.

    • Leigh Mackenzie

      Thanks, Jeana. It was a shattering experience but one that God used to shape and change me. He is faithful…

  3. Jaime Armstrong

    Keep on encouraging! You are a light sista 🙂

  4. Tamika

    Leigh, I’ve enjoyed your post and I love how you have the video attached that is such a great way to connect with your audience. I look forward to reading more!!

    • Leigh Mackenzie

      Thanks so much, Tamika! This is new for me to have a video included within the blog, so I appreciate your feedback.

  5. Francine S. Rivers

    Good vlog, Leigh. Ah, yes. Our culture seems to fan the need to take offense. “Take offense” is an active verb. It’s a decision we make to hold onto something done to us. We are hurt, and often cling to and/or resurrect that feeling — not just for a few minutes, but hours, even days later. How often do we bring it up? Talk about it to others? Redress it? How often do we mull it over in our minds, thinking up appropriate responses? There’s a saying: “Take what you like and leave the rest.” I’m learning that means take what is true, right, and constructive, and let go of the rest. It’s not easy. Sometimes we have to forgive and offer grace in the moment. Again, not easy. I know I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth a thousand times. I’ve apologized when I knew I hurt someone. But how many times have I said something that hurt someone else, and I didn’t even know it. The grace I’ve been shown makes me want to pour grace on others. And be careful what I say — and how I say it.

    • Leigh Mackenzie

      A friend wanted me to do another vlog on not being quick to take offense, which I believe would be another relevant subject to discuss. You’re so right, though, Frani, about how “offenses” torment us. It’s wisdom to know when to apologize and make amends for things we didn’t realize we had done. It’s quite another thing, though, when things are done in mean-spirited ways with intent to wound. I’ve seen far more of the latter in church.

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